My anticipation pre-show: 9

My feelings about it post show: meh 6.

Some other people thought is was great.

I was all excited because we get to see what happened to Locke, and Eko, and Desmond post hatch ‘incident’. Opening, bright light, Locke’s eye. The dude had the wickedest scar from the crash, with the vertical slice down the center, made him look like a comic book hero/guru person thing. He’s on his back in a grass clearing. He hears Desmond run by in his flash-the-island quest, but can’t say, DUDE? Where are your pants?

Click on to read the rest.

Back to camp, and the only person that notices Locke is back from the light is Charlie. Because, well, the writers are stingy with the lines they hand out, and dammit the rest of the survivors just haven’t performed well enough to earn a talking part! So we are treated to Charlie being snarky, while talking to the frantic crazed Locke guy, and figuring out that Locke he no can talkie.

What is he making in the church? A sweat lodge, genius! But why the church? Good scenery I guess. Okay Charlie, you effin herion addict, stand guard whilst I dope up on plant narc and go sit in this fire cave. m’kay, thanks.

I must say that death becomes Boone, he’s got the old fading grunge band rockstar vibe going, put on a few pounds maybe. The Locke dream-scene is cool, all the losties are there, with one exception… who is it… Hmmm… who did Locke totally eff over last season? Sun and Jin? nah. Sayid? nah. Oh oh! Jack, Sawyer/James and Kate! They’ll have to wait. Charlie (well yeah, but) no. Desmond (well yeah, but) no. hmmm… Eko! The island tells Locke that he must save Eko. Genius.

I give you evidence that the island was trying to tell Locke that back at the opening, but Locke just wasn’t listening!

Eko’s Jesus stick came crashing down on his head right after he woke up, and the obscure scripture passage the Island etched for him says: “Lift up your eyes and look north” Locke, goes south (according to every map I’ve seen of the Island) and goes back to camp first to commune with the spirits of the island. Dude needs to 1. Read 2. Follow instructions.

Okay. So while Locke starts up the whole rescue party for Eko. We’ll catch up with Jack and Sawyer and Kate. Okay, no we won’t because they didn’t get paid this week, come back next week. Let’s talk about Locke’s flashbacks.

He’s older, wearing a hat instead of a bad toupe. The last time we flashbacked Locke he lost his con-artist dad and his fiance to his impulses. So now he’s driving an old truck in the rain and picks up a hitchhiker. Then immediatle gets pulled over by a cop. (sniff… smell anything?) The cops invetigates Locke’s impressive gun stash, with all the documentation in a red folder. (Locke is super organized, he should work for the CIA, or maybe a box company, in Tustin.)

Anyhoo, the cops lets him go on a tail light safety violation, and the kid hitches a ride to Locke’s new home. Some hippy commune thing with a whole lotta nice people. This is a Locke flashback, so we need to remember that things aren’t what they seem. And they aren’t. Locke’s hosts are drug dealers, that grow pot in a huge greenhouse (that is so innovative, I wonder if the real deal knows about that). Locke’s new ‘nephew’ is an undercover cop that wants to get the drug dealers. Locke is betrayed, again. *yawn – stayed up too late watching this show* But Locke can’t pull the trigger to protect his friends from the law. Get it, Locke is good. He doesn’t kill people, or con people or punch out his Dad (though if ever someone deserved punching out, its Locke’s dad…). The Island Gods find favor in Locke, see, he’ll be the perfect moral person to go to war against the Dharmalars. The flashback ends there, we don’t know why Locke got paralyzed, but I forsee that his hemp loving friends might bring on the hurt for not killing the cop.

Back in real time… er.. Island time. Hurley!

Hurley comes back while Locke and Charlie are going on a bear hunt. Passes on the message from Benry, and heads on. Then Hurley encounters Desmond. And delivers the best line, ‘Whoa dude!’ Hurley carries a spare tie-dye, so Desmond is finely presentable, and they make it back to camp. Not before we realize that Desmond, he can hear/see/know the future, because he says Locke was going to rescue the other three from the clutches of Benry, before Locke gives his.. .erm.. ‘speech’.

Back to Locke and Charlie. Charlie comes along, because no one, and I mean no one gets to explore the mysteries of the Island with out Charlie. It says so in the LOST Writers Guide.

Rule 815: If you explore the island, take Charlie.

So some sooper sluethy mad tracking skillz by the master hunter Locke, we find the lair of the polar bear. The polar bears musta thought the fish biscuits sucked, because they’re out of their cages and off attacking plane and hatch survivors. With the help of a torch and hiar-spray MacGuyver Locke rescues Eko and brings him back to camp, and gives a speech to the islanders including two new faces, Paulo and Nikki. Who I guess have slept through the first 70 days on the island, and are well rested for thier new roles as part of the cast of survivor, where they’ll outwit, and .. err.. sorry… I gotta give Paulo and Nikki credit though, they at least came to help Locke and Eko, the rest of the losties… “Eh, look Locke’s back, with a bloody Eko, no where’d I put that good Dharma Cheese-wiz?”

So we’re caught up. Time has probably been close to synced between the captured, and post-hatch -dwellers and can get on with the season. Three more episodes until the early haitus. We need to get a move ON!